


Maybe It's Better Off This Way

by Sunshinecackle



Series: Luck Of The Draw [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Age Gaps, Disassociation, Gay, Kissing, Luxord is 34, M/M, Roxas is 18, Slash, Yaoi, mental health, mlm, reasons to live
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25229215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshinecackle/pseuds/Sunshinecackle
Summary: Roxas doesn’t know if there’s a difference between him and a Shadow. Luxord might make the difference glaringly obvious.
Relationships: Luxord/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Luck Of The Draw [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629304
Kudos: 4





	Maybe It's Better Off This Way

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, it’s me again! Just thought I ought to say, if you want vague updates and to talk to me more, I have Twitter and Tumblr, too! Twitter is Sunshinecackle, and Tumblr is Writteninsunshine! I also have a writing Discord that is currently pretty dead. xD I can PM it to people who want it on FFN, for everyone else, it’s here: https://discord.gg/FyaWw25
> 
> Until they admit that they enjoy each other’s company, Luxord’s parts were written by my husband, and I edited them. This was based on an RP that we did. I really wanted to write this, and honestly, I had a lot of fun with it, and it’s really therapeutic to write them for me. I hope you guys enjoy it! This is basically the beginning of their relationship for my other fics for this ship.

Roxas sat atop the tallest tower he dared to, staring down at the endless void of heartless at the base, his eyes hollow and mind blank. He was thinking, he was sure of that, but he didn't know of what. His eyes could catch the glimmer of movement of the Shadows, but he wasn't tracking anything, just staring with his hands in his lap.

The tapping of boots along the concrete slab he sat on sounded behind him before there was a soft sigh, and the sound of leather stretching. A familiar blond sat beside him, eyeing Roxas carefully before he thought to try on some words.

“Hey,” Luxord began, not sure if Roxas would even hear him like this.

"Hey." Roxas’ voice didn't quite sound right, and the smaller blond slowly shook his head, glancing over at the other. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah... I was wondering how you're doing..? You've been gone for a while..."

"...Have I?" Roxas asked, blinking, and looking up at Luxord’s pretty, concerned blue eyes, "I didn't notice."

"I thought so... So I came to check on you and see how you're doing." Luxord’s tone was quiet, gentle, welcoming.

"I'm okay." Was he, though? "Just... Thinking." And staring at the bottom like it would be a reprieve.

"What are you thinking of?"

Roxas went quiet. He didn't really know. "Stuff."

Luxord paused for a moment before responding again, "Is any of that stuff life-threatening for you?"

"I... I don't know." Roxas sighed. He really thought that he should know better. "I keep thinking about the Shadows."

"What about them..?"

"We're not... That different. Are we?" The way he posed the question almost sounded more like a statement than anything. "Stuck doing the same thing, seeking a purpose we're never going to attain for a fate we can't..." His words trailed off and his eyelids drooped. He sighed, looking confused for a second. "Would it really be so bad to let them win?"

Luxord paused, thinking for a moment before speaking, "You have a point... to a point." Glancing back down towards the ground, he continued, "We make our own choices... We have the ability to change our fates... As strange and twisted as it may be... We have the power to make changes to ourselves and twist what should have been."

"I don't think it counts. Fate is something concrete and liquid, like a cat. Displeasing it is easy and then you're..." He leaned forward a little, watching the shadows swarming. "...Splat."

Luxord leaned forward slightly, staring down and following Roxas’ gaze before sighing, "Perhaps things aren't always as concrete as you think... Sometimes you just need a little luck in your favor..."

"I... Don't know if I have any luck left." Roxas murmured, licking his lips. He was quiet for a moment, lost to another thought, before asking, "Do you think that I... Can be good?"

"Can any of us truly be good or is that merely something that pertains to the moment and which side of the coin you're viewing from?" Luxord always knew how to make things sound better. It sounded so much more simple like that.

Blinking in confusion for a second, Roxas considered this. "I don't want to be inconsequential." He finally managed, blurting it out.

"Then don't be."

Furrowing his brows, he stared at his hands. "Can I even do that?"

"Of course. Give them a reason to remember you."

"...Nobody will remember me, Lux. I'm not supposed to..."  _ Exist.  _ He sighed. "We're Nobodies."

"They'll remember you if you  _ give _ them something to remember... How can they forget if you change their very lives?"

"Everyone forgets me."

"Change that." Luxord finally looked back at the younger, "Build them up or destroy them... They'll remember  _ that. _ "

Those blue eyes met the other's for a second and he glanced away, "And what happens if I can't do either? I die trying?"

"You at least go out... Trying."

"...What's different between dying trying and just... Going out from up here?"

"One of those means you gave it your best shot and the other means you gave up."

"What if giving up is all I got left?"

"Then you need to figure out what's stopping you and why you haven't given up yet... and fight for that."

Roxas paused for a moment, staring down at his hands before reaching over and taking one of Luxord's. He was quiet, just relishing in squeezing his hand. "What do I gotta do?"

Looking at the other's hand holding his own, Luxord smiled softly before leaning in and pressing their lips together for a moment. "..Don't leave me."

Heart hammering in his chest as they kissed, Roxas gently reached up to hold his cheek gently. "...Okay."

"I enjoy spending time with you..."

"I like spending time with you, too..." Luxord’s games always made life more understandable, and everything that he did made life seem more worth living. He would have died without the other, he thought. If he hadn’t come to see him tonight, maybe he really would have. Their lips met again and Roxas sighed softly, content.

“We should move from the edge. I wouldn’t want to see your new lease on life fall so quickly.” Luxord was on his feet in seconds, taking the other by his armpits and dragging him back. He didn’t trust Roxas to be able to stand without plummeting right now, his knees were always so weak when he got to thinking for too long. Hoisting the other man to his feet, he smiled at him gently, pulling him into another kiss. 

This time, Luxord held both of his cheeks gently, tilting his head and swiping his tongue over Roxas’ lips. Parting them, Roxas closed his eyes and leaned forward, pushing up on his tiptoes. It felt like an eternity before their lips parted again, wet and gentle as Luxord looked into his eyes.

“I think it’s you.” Roxas murmured softly, and Luxord rose a brow.

“Me?”

“The thing I need to fight for. The reason I didn’t jump.” Roxas informed, sucking both of his lips into his mouth. Luxord smiled, soft and genuine, before kissing his forehead.

“Then don’t leave me, Bug. I’ll be your reason all you want.” Luxord gently pet his thumbs over Roxas’ cheeks, watching him relax into him. 

“Okay… What about you?”

“Me? You’re important to me, too, if that’s what you want. I don’t usually think about jumping into Heartless, love.”

Roxas laughed at that, maybe too loudly and for too long. He wiped his eye after a moment, grinning up at him.

“Yeah, okay, I get it. Thanks, Lux, you’re the best.” 

“Anytime.” Leading Roxas through a portal to a safer place, Luxord hummed softly to himself, his arm around Roxas’ shoulders.

**Author's Note:**

> Needed to write some more LuxRox self-indulgent stuff. Maybe one of these days they will actually get past just kissing. Who knows. I loved this, I hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
